Wincest? NOOO!
by SarahKOM
Summary: When Dean is kidnapped by MarySueFangirlSelfinserts, will Sam be able to escape his brotehr and save him? And will he even want to?
1. In Which MarySues Plot

_**Wincest? NOOO!**_

**Prologue: In which Mary-Sues plot.**

Disclaimer: All Supernatural charries are not mine, only my OC's. All username's used in story are made-up and not based on any SN fan or user. All clubs are likewise, unless mentioned otherwise. And places.

Dedicated to my pal, who will be named next chappie.

It should have been a full moon that night, hell a crescent moon would have done. Something dark and/or mysterious, to give some clue to hapless Dean Winchester what nefarious plans that the members of the Wincest Club faction of SN Fans United had planned for him. In the shadows of Moony's Bar, Cercera City, they watched, and waited…

"Hey baby," Dean gave the petite blonde waitress a cocky smile as he ordered another drink, "How about you and me get to know each other a bit better, outside of a professional relationship?" He felt proud of himself, there had to be at least 4 syllables in one of those words; Sammy wasn't the only one with smarts in this family!

"Damn, Dean," Sam muttered from his laptop-dominated bar table, "Lots of syllables for so short a guy."

"Shut up, shotgun. Not my fault that you can't get laid by hot chicks like me." Dean smiled, slipping the waitress his number. She picked it up, quickly tucking it into her bra before the boss saw her, then blushed.

Sam rolled his eyes, "Whatever, Dean. I'm going home." He closed the notebook, slipping it into a leather, satchel-like bag he had bought especially to protect it. He slung it over his shoulders, taking his dignified leave.

Dean neatly drank the vodka on the rocks belonging to the man next to him, (earning a 'HEY!' from said man) and went after his little Emo bro. In an hour or so anyway.

--------

Three girls stood in the alleyway behind the bar, plotting in a dastardly fashion in a way I'm not entirely comfortable. With which I'm not entirely comfortable.

One was tall and thin and too pale for anyone whose not an albino, with large… Assets that were completely out of proportion to her body, with long fingers, legs and hair, which was blonde, and these freaking HUGE overly sparkly violet eyes.

The other was basically the same, except with brown hair and grey eyes that 'sparkled with the cascading beauty of a diamond waterfall' which is probably kind of painful to look at in a bright room.

The other was different, with dark red hair down to her shoulder blades as opposed to her arse like the others and had way too much eyeliner and black on her 'sensuously curvaceous body which captured the lust of all men'. Except the ugly ones apparently, or the ones with above room temperature IQ's.

This one was obviously in charge, judging by her hideously leetspoken orders; "Lyk, OMG, Mary! W¦-¦+ w!11 w3 d0 w!+¦-¦ 5/\/\/\/\y?"

Erm, yeah. Let's see… My trusty L33t Trns1at0r, sorry, Leet Translator 5000-and-a-half will soon make that readable…

Like, oh my god, Mary! What will we do with Sammy?"

Much better, no?

"Like, I don't know, Sue!" The blonde one, apparently named Mary replied, wringing her hands in a petite fashion, her vile shrieking voice unmatched in beauty by any exquisite performed musical masterpiece.

Says a lot for the music industry, doesn't it?

"Can't we feel, like, him up, just a little?!" The brunette begged, clasping her own petite hands which are actually really long so that's just a stupid description, and falling to her knees. Then jumping up with another heavenly shriek as she dirtied her not-flirty but somehow still as-slutty-as Paris-and-Britney dress in the toxic cigarette ashes and stale beer paste that made up the ground.

"Sue-Ella! That dress is soooo gorgeous!"

"It's Sue-Ella Raindrop Moonflower, actually!" Sue-Ella, just call her Ella, said in her sweet, snappish tones.

Every sentence this girl makes ended in '!' and I'm getting a headache just writing this.

"Well, I'm Susanna Tigerheart Diamond!"

"I'm Mary O'Reilly, I mean, I'm Marianna Beautifica Jewelbeam Sunstone!"

"Like, he's coming!"

------

Dean walked back to the motel, jamming to Metallica that only he could hear. Or at least, he was.

One minute he was strolling along in his own uber-sexy Dean way, and the next…

"Get 'im, Sues!"

"The fck?! GET OFF ME, YOU HELLBTCHES!"

THE BAG! THE BAG!"

"DON'T TOUCH ME THERE!"

**THUMP.**

_And so endeth the prologue, and starteth the beginning anon of a new chapter while I can still write good, which is rare. Eth._


	2. In Which Dean is Screwed Over

_**Chapter One: In which Dean is screwed over. **__And screwed over royally at that._

_Disclaimer: Yadda yadda, not mine_

_If is rated wrong, tell me so and I'll change it._

_Dedicated to my pal from TDP, SilentWolf92, to whom I have promised to abstain from leetspeak forever. And who likes to laugh at MARY SUES!_

The setting is a small, dank dusty yet somehow wet room. There is one chair, in which poor Dean is tied to, and a bare lightbulb.

Several of the WinSisters

The coarse burlap bag was yanked from Dean's head none too gently by Susanna Tigerhe-fuck it! By Sue. Mary and Ella clamoured to see him. And grope him too.

Dean started yelling, "SAMMY! SAMMY, YOU PSYCHIC SHITHEAD! SAMMY! COME ON MAN, HEAR ME!"

Sue waved a mocking finger at him, shoving a ball gag into his mouth (What the fck, into bondage now?) and stroking his hair in a very creepy fashion, Sammy can't hear you now Dean. And that's a good thing. Because we're not through with you Dean."

"Yeah, like, we haven't even started!" Ella piped up, then sprang forward causing unnecessary bouncing in the chest area (SPORTS BRA, LADIES!) and held up a huge ledger titled 'Operation Wincest; Code Dean'

"Dean Winchester, you are detained under orders of the head of SN Fans United: Wincest Faction. You have the right to remain silent, you have the right to take off your clothes and you have the right to shag your little brother!"

"WHAT?!" Dean involuntarily gagged, coughing out the ball gag with a vehement shout, "You crazy- He's my- OH GOD!"

"Oh, don't be like that Dean. You can't say you haven't looked at him… Admired him after a shower, all wet and glistening…"

Dean stared, his jaw in danger of hitting the floor.

"You can't say you never thought of taking him, then and there…" Sue crooned.

"Lady, he's my little brother. Family. I'm not going to rpe Sam!"

At once, the WinSisters laughed, "Oh, you'll think different soon… Sooooon…"

He groaned. This would be a long night.

-----

Several hours, 6 gay porn magazines and 156 whispered obscenities later and they were still no closer to Wincestanising Dean.

"Okay, girls! Bring out the BIG GUNS!"

Mary whipped out a thick plastic circle on a string, the circle being swirled and began saying it in front of their captive's eyes,

"You are feeling sleepy… Veeerry Sleepy… She intoned, falling forward in a deep slumber, shoring like a train's whistle. A very refined and, um, musical train whistle, that is. Of course.

Ella and Sue groaned, the former snatching up the swirl and waving it at Dean to the same conclusion.

Sue resorted to a different method. She got a circle of cardboard with a naked lady on it (Ball gags, burlap, swirls and now that?) then threw it over her shoulder, yanked open a drawer and seized the plot-hole inside, advancing on Dean with her weapon in hand. Hands.

There was an audible gulp from the chair.

-------

"Dean!" Sam was washed with warm (Always Avoid Alliteration!) welief, err, relief at the sight of his older, dazed brother standing in the hall dozily, "Jesus Christ, you okay?

Dean jerked awake, then seeing Sammy, licked his lips hungrily.

"Sammy, I think you and I need to get know each other better." He sidled forward, leering up at his 'little' six foot 4 inch tall brother.

Sam backed away cautiously, "Dean, are you okay? Dean? What are you doing? Dean!"

**And exeunt I from the word document tonight. Unless I start thinking again.**

**Not flipping likely!**


	3. In Which Sam Gets Some Action, FINALLY!

**_Chapter Two: In which Sam gets some action, finally!_**

_I GOT REVIEWS!! WHOOOO! _

_Sorry. ;_

**This ain't as good as the others, I admit it, because it's not as funny since Sammy's having a very freaky time of it. XD**

_SientWolf92: Just wait till you read about the Chewit Clowns in later chapters. XD_

_Taniapretender: I have no idea what a 'sisterfic' is, you better explain so I can spoof it for your reading pleasure. I guessing it's one is which Sam and Dean are girls?_

_XxPainful MemoriesxX: I think it was caramel Freddoes, school, and… Actually. I don't know what brought it on. And hopefully, Dean WILL be saved. _

_Lanawannabe: This was the review that made me speed up! And the kiss bit is just for you. But I do think that Dean would take a lot of coaxing, because Sam IS his brother and it's basically in everyone's brain not to do things with siblings._

_--------------------_

Sam was almost in tears now. Very much so, indeed. And he had the right. Dean had come back and well, he'd tried to…

"_Gimme your pants, Sam! Get on that bed, NOW!"_

"_Dean, no! ARGH!"_

The young man shuddered in fear, then shook his head, Dean couldn't have, couldn't have…

Yeah, because there's so many ways you can interpret the sentence 'I'm going to screw you all night, bro!'.

Oh god, oh god… Dean had tried to rape him. Dean. HIS OLDER BROTHER. Fck the older part, HIS BROTHER! BROTHER! Oh dear sweet Jesus. What the hell happened after that bar?

Sam needed help, badly. What force was so strong, what demon so powerful, what heathen god so omnipotent to make Dean… Dean…

To make Dean GAY?! Gay Dean. That would give Sam nightmares forever.

He would never look at Brokeback Mountain the same way.

---

Sam lay in the bathtub, door firmly locked and his clothes on a table beside the door. He let the warm water soothe his tired, aching muscles.

And while he does that, we'll take a trip down his woeful Memory Lane because I'm sure you all want to know what Dean did to him, you dirty, dirty girls! So I shall satisfy you, though not much happened.

"_Dean, are you okay? Dean? What are you doing? Dean!"_

_Dean advanced towards his brother, with what Sam really hoped was a test-tube in his pocket, and a leer that threatened to decapitate the pervy git. Dean rubbed his hands with evident glee as he backedSammy into a corner, then sprang for the younger's firm-fitting, oh-so tight and… Sorry, what was I saying? Ah yes, sprang for the zip of Sam's gorgeous, but in my opinion, rather unnecessary jeans. He ripped open the fly, spittle flowing down one corner of his lust-twisted mouth._

_WELL DONE DEAN!_

_Sam jumped away for Dean with a yelp, yanking back up the zip but nowhere was against the wall, with a table on which was perched a sturdy vase of fine clay upon a book block the side escape._

_And now, lanawannabe, just for yoooouuu…_

_Dean caught Sam, by the waist, forcing his mouth open with his own rough lips and pushing him against the wall with an orgasmic groan of delight._

_He caressed the inside of Sam's mouth with his tongue, coarse yet gentle and pleaserable…For everyone._

_God daymn, I'm good at this!_

_Such a pity Sam had to clasp the vase, and smash it over Dean's head in shatter of fine pottery. There was a dramatic 'thump'_

_Sam ran to the apartment's kitchen, snatching up the steel wool Brillo pads and shoving one into his mouth, the caked pink soap powder reacting with his, and Dean's, saliva to form a foul tasting lather that dripped from his lips like very gay or at least, girly rabies._

Sam shivered once more in horror, the hot bath doing nothing to ease the shills up his spine.

**And once more, I say adieu! Next up, a Chapter especially for the Winsisters as I shall now call them, and introducing a capable anti-Sue! Whose really my long-suffering Muse.**


	4. In Which The Plot Thickens

_**Chapter Three: In which The Plot Thickens**_

_AKA: In which YOU get some answers (Kinda). And Sam and Dean are left clueless._

_This is gonna be serious, kinda. More plot and less humour._

_Disclaimer: SN is not min,e neither are any username's which are made up and not to point at any one person, or any clubs and whatnot. It's all fiction!_

_Lanawannabe(DFN Reveiw), I'm afraid to say that Dean and Sam will not get together in this story. Someday soon, I shall create an off-branch in which they do, but seeing as Dean is brainwashed and therefore not of the right mind, it cannot happen because he wouldn't really want it._

_Sam's naked in the bathroom, because he's trying to wash away any 'dirt' from Dean's very, very hot kiss. Oh, I love that kiss! By the way, Sam locked Dean into a closet. XD __And I dunno where I got the gay rabies thing, I just did. O.o L__ove you so much(In the platonic way), you're the best reviewer! _

_AndAct: I'm glad I'm making you so happy. I've started this new chapter the very day I published the last one._

_Wolfie: Raven's my only muse, dangit! XD Glad you liked. _

_--------_

Mary, Sue and Mary-Sue were plotting, again. To recap, Mary is the blonde, Sue the redhead leader and Mary-Sue that daft brunette. I had to revise that, because they're so nondescript in personality. O.o

They were seated in a mansion, which was all at once beautiful and elegant, dilapidated and shabby, an image of well-invested money, falling apart in places.

Every now and again the walls would shimmer out of focus, the gold-woven tapestries replaced by scraps of stained cloth with metallic frayed edges.

Sue hit a wall in frustration, "Our place's not holding up! It's being reasserted!"

Mary stared at her hands in horror, they were fading, and shrieked musically "It's reasserting us too, Sue We have to get control of Sammy fast!"

"Mary-Sue! You are now the smart one!" Echoed a voice from the laptop, perched on the fine oak table, that was showing signs of flickering out reality. It was horribly nasal and clogged, shrill and there was nothing Sued about it.

The heads of the Winsisters snapped as one to the laptop, and in an awed voice they whispered, "The Suethor…"

"Yes, like it 's me. You will refer to me as WinCeStAnGlE. Where is Sue?"

And I mean to typo that name. And I'm not writing that name like that anymore! O.o

Sue bowed before the screen, "I am here, WincestAngle O Divine Suethor. Are my creations working to your delight?"

"Indeed they are. You are a very good muse, Sue."

"I aim to please you, mistress." Sue smiled, snagging a chair then straddling it, arms crossed on its back, "So, what news do you have for us? And would you like our progress reports now or after?"

"Your first, Sue, Mary, Mary-Sue."

Sue clicked her fingers, Mary stepped forward, "As regards Operation Wincest: Code Dean, it was a success. However… We cannot get to Sam. Someone is protecting him from us!"

"Another Suethor?"

"No," Sue said, "An Author."

Mary-Sue, whose called Ella according to other chapters, stepped forward, "We are taking steps to locate and eradi-era-get rid of this menace to your plans, Wincest Angle O Divine Creator!"

"We will not fail you, Wincest Angle O Divine Creator." Mary said, standing ramrod straight, looking like someone had shoved a very bumpy stick up her bum. She had that twitch of pain around the corners of her mouth at least.

"You better not, or I'll scrap you both. Or even… Make you no longer omnipotent!"

There was a collective gasp from the two Mary-Sues, and even from the Muse. And plenty of grovelling, which was utterly daft and stupid because it involves offers of prostration.

"Find the Author, destroy her creations, and if she has one, her Muse." WincestAngle snarled, "We can no longer allow Sammy to not be buggered up the ass by Dean!"

And she shut off the connection.

----

Behind the partially closed door, was a young girl wearing a headset whispered into the microphone, "You get that, Sarah?"

"Loud and clear, Raven. They know we're on to them."

"Bring up G.VH and E.E, okay? Maybe D.E too. I'm going in, to hack that laptop." Raven waited until the Muse and Sues had left, then slipped out of the closet.

She was relatively tall, five foot 8 with long legs. She was pleasantly proportioned, like a real 16 year old but with large grey-blue eyes and long lashes. Her hair was an oak brown, wavy and right now very messy.

Her clothes consisted of a long violet kimono, but soon that shimmered to black jeans and a black fleece with boots. There were silver and purple butterfly wings sprouting from her back, and she hovered off the ground by a few inches.

She hovered to the laptop, slotting in a USB memory stick. The letters 'HACK COMMENCING: DOWNLOAD 2 PER CENT COMPLETED" showed on the screen in kind-bending orange., the number steadily decreasing.

Raven waited, biting her nails, which wasn't very smart seeing as they were dirty. She started coughing and choking on said dirt, falling on the floor with a loud 'THUD'. She swore, the Sues were sure to have heard.

Footsteps thudded up the stairs just as expected, and Raven had no choice but rip out the Memory Stick with only partially downloaded files.

Raven concentrated, and a window glimmered into being on the nearest wall. Raven yanked it open, flying into the dark night and freedom from the dark tendrils of Suefluence in the unreal mansion.

**Wow. I was serious. O.o And don't worry, I'll be back on track VERY soon with Sam, Dean and more weirdness and laughter. Just not happy today. I think it's my angst music.**

**I AM SO SORRY FOR THIS SHAMBLES OF A CHAPTER!**

**By the way, how many of you knew that there's actually a rifle type named Winchester Rifle 'the gun that won the west'? Fitting legacy to our favourite boys!**


	5. In Which Even More Stuff Happens

**Chapter Four: In Which More Stuff Happens**

**XxRayvnexX: Raven is stepping right on it!**

**Lanawannabe(DFN review): Just hugs, many hugs.**

**There are some Italian words in this, very basic. You won't need to understand them, to understand them. You know?**

**Used: Free translation**

Words in English at the bottom.

------

Sam put on his headphones, hooked into his laptop's media player playing Linkin' Park and Jay-Z's Numb/Encore Remix -because he's emo like that and I like the song- with a shudder. He was sitting on his bed, in the second motel room he'd hired out that day.

Dean didn't know the number of that motel, but a quick scouting out of the halls had proved Sam's suspicions correct; Dean was knocking on every door to find him. But this motel was huge, 246 bedrooms, not counting the staff and 2nd and 1st class areas. So it would have to be ages until he found him, right?

Sam shivered once more, searching for the ice bucket with the beer. If he was going to get by this, he'd get pissed!

It was there. Well, shit. Sam groaned, risking the hotel hallways in search of drunken freedom.

Bad move, Sammy, m'boy.

-----

_Tap, tap, tappa, tap. Tap. Tap. Tap!_

_Click._

"Go-time."

------

Three girls stepped out of an alleyway, a blonde, brunette, and a redhead. They were tall, beautiful Amazonian ladies. Each looking like a man with a desire for disproportioned fruity ladies had shoved a melon down their skanky-ass tops, and with exceedingly impractically short skirts, hot pants and high heels. All glittery and pinky and wobbly.

Oh dear sweet Jesus, save us all. Even the Protestants and Atheists. Satanists, not so much.

-----

_Tap tap tap tap tap, tappa tap!_

_Click._

"Oh buggerit."

-----

Another trio of girls walked out of an alleyway. A blonde, a black-haired girl and a redhead.

The blonde wore her hair back in a short ponytail, white high waist jeans, a blue t-shirt, runners (Sneakers, trainers) thick-rimmed metallic blue glasses and about 7 bulky digital watches, all set to different times. She looked to be only about 16, and recovering from a bad bout of adolescent acne. And there was no development up top in sight.

The black haired girl had her hair down but clipped back with discreet hair pins, she wore a red v-neck top with black jeans, and an old ankle length black jeather coat, beaten up and and broken in. The coat I mean, not her. And two scabbards, one hung on either side.

She carried her somewhat feminine curves awkwardly, unused to them.

And the redhead was just a bombshell in black and red also, a flames theme in her clothes. She had her hair cut into a pointy(…) type of long bob with a big fcking gun in hand.

Each had a little headset thing, in black.

And I like to describe my characters. ;;

A voice sounded in their ears. At least, besides the ones telling them to Go home; Kill; and burn things respectively.

"You all in position?"

"Yeah, yeah, Raven, we're here. Now get on with it." Destiny, the blonde groaned.

"Okay, Destiny, you're on surveillence. Erin, you're to grab Sam. Gabrielle, take down the Sues best you can."

The black-haired girl grinned nastily, showing most of her white but a little crooked teeth, "_Sí_, _amico_. I will handle those pitiful _femmine_." She answered in from-a-bad-book English, and flowing Italian. With an accent. I like accents.

"English, Gabrielle, ENGLISH. Surely your lil ol' mind can handle that?" Erin rolled her eyes, though with a smirk, "And you, Acne Academic, get to work already. Or will you join the dark side?"

"Shaaaat up." Destiny, with her own wonderfully Sueish name, (look I was 11, okay?! ELEVEN!), snapped back like a pissed off chihuhahahhaa… God damn, how do you spell that?! Or even stop? And it sounds evil. ChihMUHAHA!

But I digress.

And say I a lot.

Look, let's just get back to the Mary-Sues, okay? Then we get to Sam.

"Zitto!"

Gabrielle always has to have the last word.

-----

The WinSisters started to move in, charming the hotel attendants with their Mary-Sueishness for information, and then.

"What do you want." It wasn't a question. And this wasn't an easily charmed guy.

This was a tough-as-titanium-alloy-nails hotel manager. A female one, sophisticated, sexy and classy with blonde hair twisted up into an elegant bun.

She was female, smart and very, very classy. These bitches were toast! With bacon and eggs!

-----

Sam put 80 cents into the drink machine, selected 7Up and waited for the _rumble-rumble-CLUNK_. And waited. And waited.

And was then jumped by his brother who leaped out from behind a desk and whacked a pad of chloroform over his mouth.

-----

**Short, I know but I had to update!**

Zitto: Quiet. Si, Amico: Yes, friend. Femmine: Women.


End file.
